Day 28: The End of Days

When it comes to books I love, I'm the kind of reader who slows down toward the final pages in an attempt to extend the pleasure of my experience. In a couple of cases, I have yet to read the last ten or so pages years after rushing through all but the final chapters. I tell myself I'm still enjoying the book. No matter how ridiculous my strategy might sound, it prevents me from 'closing the book' on the book. So to speak. But Soul Coaching is a different story.

Denise's guide to finding my Authentic Self has kept me in a state of upheaval, frustration, excitement and anticipation for the past month, and even though I've arrived at the last exercise of many, today by no means marks the end of my Work.

As other exercises asked us to either go in or outside ourselves, today's task finds us doing both. In fact, she asks us to revisit images of ourselves becoming one with all the elements and going into prayer and thanksgiving. She asks us to dance with abandon and to listen to the voice of our individual soul and to keep an ear out for the Universal Soul, too. She wants us to perceive every experience as bearing a a lesson for our spirits. Today, we are to be all things, merging with the Air, Water, Fire and Earth, got it?

Good.

Throughout my day, I had no trouble identifying most of my encounters as positive ones placed here to help me on my way. When my girlfriend called to share a natural secret* recipe for hair conditioner, of course that was good news. She presented me with a lesson of how to mix up the ingredients and I learned it. Pretty straightforward. Even Denise would agree, I'm sure. Another great lesson for today—though not nearly so obvious as my secret hair conditioner recipe*—was revealed in a run by the lake. To be sure, I didn't want to go. I actually began to offer myself reasons not to go, and, believe me, they were convincing. But I pulled on my gear and took to the streets where I still told myself I could walk if I wanted. No such luck.

As I crossed the street, I picked up my pace and began a slow jog that ended nearly an hour later at my front door. The soul lesson? Many:

1. I'm allowed to gripe while I'm doing things that are good for me. I don't have to be giddy with enlightenment and perfection while I Improve myself. Usually, upon completion of the exercise—be it physical, mental or otherwise—I feel lots better for sticking it out.
   
2. Sticking it out looks impossible from the start if you don't start.
3. Putting one foot in front of the other can really take you places.
4. Moving is moving. Thinking about moving isn't. Neither is talking about it.
5. Moving burns calories. Thinking about moving doesn't. Neither does talking about it.

Now that I've come to the end of this book I can say lots of Changes are occurring, and, as Denise suggested, changes may still be happening in the months and years to come. I've really done it now, huh?

For starters, I have lots more clarity about who I am, what I'm capable of and where my unique voice fits in the larger scheme. As I write that, I'm thinking, WTF, that sounds trite and bullshitty. Maybe the more genuine sounding way to phrase this sentiment is that this program has reminded me that accepting myself totally—all my hissy fits as well as the more socially accepted trait of humility—rocks. When I do that, I own myself and nobody else's judgment or opinions matter.

Having lots of good laughs at the expense of old Fears was cathartic in ways I couldn't have imagined before. Being an occasional asshole toward the wealthy set was pretty enriching as well because it showed me a whole lot about my own surprising biases.**

And, aside from my $100 rebate check(!) and old friends resurfacing, I can't say I struck material pay dirt. Still, I'm happy with myriad discoveries in the end. No big bangs, keys to the city, rings on fingers or a shopping spree. No fancy cars, high speed chases or free lunches, either. Actually, I did get a free meal or two while I was doing this thing. Even so, you get my point. Ultimately I learned something. And the work's not over.

Day 28 and for all the mental, physical and spiritual Cleansing I've endured, something tells me I better invest in rubber gloves.

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*Since she swore me to secrecy, I'm not at liberty to divulge her special ingredients. Let's just say if you see me running my fingers through my bodaliciously supple, shiny hair, or if I'm distracted by my glistening visage in the nearest mirror, you'll know why.

**Please, Hawaii Self Helpers, do not let my insolence to deter you from granting me a reduced-rate entry into your Improvement programs by the sea. I've come a long way on my own, it's true, but I still have a few areas that need tweaking.